


A tail

by AprilFooled



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Halloween, M/M, Magical Realism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:53:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27317305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AprilFooled/pseuds/AprilFooled
Summary: A short story in which Enjolras (probably) doesn't commit beastiality.
Relationships: Enjolras/Grantaire (Les Misérables)
Kudos: 8





	A tail

The party was in full swing by the time Enjolras arrived. Joly, Bossuet and Musichetta had brought home a much anticipated rescue cat, and after a week long adjustment period to let it settle in, were officially celebrating the new addition to their family. Any excuse to have a party. Not that Enjolras didn't care about the cat, he cared about everything his friends cared about, it was just, well, it was a cat. He had seen cats before. 

“Not like this cat” Bossuet had said with glee “This is the ugliest cat you've ever seen. He's a little squashed up bastard of a thing make no mistake.”

Regardless of the cat's novelty hideousness, Enjolras could wait to see it, which is why he agreed to take a detour to pick up the groups Chinese takeaway order.  
When he was finally buzzed into their flat, the hot grease smell of the Chinese curling around him like a warm blanket, he already felt a little worn. Ready to settle down in one of Bossuet's worn out bean bags and relax into the presence of his friends.

His friends fell on the food like wolves, wolves that had just committed themselves to a semi-ironic binge watch of Geordie Shore. The started cram all the take-away containers onto the coffeetable.

“Plates!” shouted Joly over the din “I'm not picking smoshed noodles out of the carpet again.”

“Isn't that what you got a cat for?” mumbled Bahorel, mouth already full.

“Sit down, Enjolras, I can sort the plates out” said Bossuet.

“No you can't” sang Musichetta “but seriously Enjolras, sit down, you look beat.”

In honesty, Enjolras was more then ready to settle down and let his friends do some of the work, but something about seeing them all gathered together made him want the go the extra mile, or at least the extra 7 feet to the kitchen.

“Its fine” he smiled “I wont be moving for the rest of the night though.”

Enjolras snagged the empty take-away bags and headed to the kitchen, balling up the plastic as he went. A step into the kitchen and Enjolras stopped dead.

Crouched on the counter, there was a strange man picking lazily at a plate of half eaten kebab skewers. Enjolras took a step back, that the stranger was another guest wasn't entirely unfeasible; they were a close knit group but it wasn't like they didn't have other friends and the man didnt seem at all alarmed by Enjolras. Enjolras on the other had felt more alarmed by the moment. The stranger was wearing a oversized jumper and nothing else. It was difficult to say what was more alarming; that the jumper was an ungodly shade of orange, or that Enjolras could see his bare thighs.

The stranger dropped the skewer he had been gnawing on and licked his fingers then leaned forward and inhaled, his nostrils flaring. Enjolras got the deeply unnerving feeling that the stranger was smelling him.

“Chinese” the man said appreciatively, and took another deep breath “Crispy duck” he tilted his head then questioned ruthlessly “Prawn toast?”

“Yes” Enjolras said, completely lost “to all of the above.”

Keeping one eye on the man, who seemed happy to blink slowly at him, Enjolras shoved the bags in the bin and began rattling around for the cutlery.  
The man didn't offer to help, didn't offer even his name. 

Joly appeared, an angel in orthopaedic slippers "Have you got the plates yet?"

Enjolras looked to him for help, whoever this enigmatic half-naked stranger was, there was no way that Joly would just let someone sit on a kitchen surface.  
Joly crossed the kitchen and slung an arm around the man's shoulders, then began pressing kisses to his forehead and cheeks.

“There you are sweetheart” he cooed “Did you want a break from all those nasty loud people? Hm?"

Enjolras flinched.

The man reached for the kebabs again, Joly batted his hands away “Oh you shouldn't eat that, silly, what if you choke on the skewer. Your other daddy was very naughty leaving those out, I know it wasn't your mummy because she's far too sensible, isn't she?” 

To Enjolras' horror, Joly began to scrach gentely under the strangers chin. The stranger went lax against him and moaned softly. Enjolras closed his eyes.

“Uh, Who is this new friend of yours?” 

“I forgot you haven't been introduced” Joly smiled at him conspiratorially then, in a feat of strength that Enjolras would have thought was beyond him, picked the man up.

“This is R, R this is Enjolras.”

“R?” echoed Enjolras faintly.

“Yep” Joly gave him another kiss, another scratch and then set him on the floor “because he's so vocal. Purring all the time, you get it? Prrrrrrrrr?”

“You should pet me. Now” the man, R, interrupted ”I will allow you the honour.”

Enjolras stared down at him in horror two possibilities loomed before him, equally disturbing.

“Pet me” R demanded again, bumping his head against Enjolras' shoulder. He was fairly sure someone would have told him if three of his best friends were BDSM enthusiasts.

Enjolras pushed him away roughly “No!”

And he didn't think hallucinations were normally so sustained or, Enjolras noticed the blue leather collar that hugged R's neck, vivid.

“Well I didn't want you too anyway” he looked at Joly “that's the last time I try to be kind to your friends.”

R slipped out of the kitchen haughtily.

Joly frowned at Enjolras “Don't be so harsh, he's a rescue so he needs lots of love.”

“Sorry” Enjolras blurted out, breathless “Just to be sure, R is a cat, isn't he?”

Joly laughed “Technically, yes, I know he looks a bit more like a fox crossed with a ferret but yes, apparently he was rescued from a breeder.” 

Enjolras followed Joly back to the living room cutlery in hand. R was sprawled on the floor, offering a running commentary on the lives of the denizens of Geordie Shore and licking morsels of food from the friendly hands of Enjolras' friends, who had all elected not to wait for the plates to arrive. Bossuet saw Enjolras looking as he reached down and fed R a sliver of chicken and grinned “We said we weren't going to let him beg but he looks so sad whenever he's left out, our resolutions didn't last long”

“Wise man!” Cheered R, from the floor.

Eponine, wedged between Feuilly and Prouvaire, checked her phone “Marius says he can make it after all, Cosette is coming too. Their plans with her Dad fell through”  
In this innocuous remark lay a spark of hope for Enjolras. If there was any chance that this was all an elaborate prank, then Marius would be the weakest link; you could always count on Marius to be ten steps behind any scheme.

“Aw, is that him?”Asked Marius, when he arrived.

Cosette waved a small plastic bag “We brought a laser pointer!”

They both made a bee-line for R whose eyes lit up at the sight of the bag “Offerings? I could be persuaded” 

He caught Enjolras' eyes from across the room and blinked slowly at him. Enjolras beyond all logic felt himself blush for an anthropomorphised cat in a bright orange jumper. He sunk deeper into his bean bag, crazy it was then.

“You've been coming round here a lot lately” Musichetta said suddenly, some weeks later. Enjolras froze, guiltily, and looked down at R who resting his head in his lap. R twisted round to frown up at him “Why did you stop?”

Enjolras resumed stroking down his spine and R shivered, content.

“Have I?” 

“Yes, you have” Musichetta smiled “I didn't think you were so much of a cat person”

Enjolras shrugged.

She laughed “Maybe you'll become disillusioned by him when you have to clean out his litter a few times.”

“Pardon?”

“We're going away for a week to visit my Parents, we thought you might like to stay over and cat-sit.”

R sat bolt upright “Yes” he said emphatically “You must.”

Enjolras tried to shake of the feeling that he was doing something very wrong “Sure” he said. 

It was fine. It was alright. He could cope with this. R was a cat. He might look like a person but he was a cat. It wasn't weird to see him feed out of a little metal bowl or live with the knowledge that he defecated into a box of sawdust. Granted, he had never actually seen R use the litter box, R guarded his privacy in that respect zealously, and Enjolras thanked God for that. So just a cat, a human shaped cat, he could deal with that. Never mind that, excluding the possibility that he was just clinically insane, R didn't always act like a cat. That was the problem really, everyone else looked at R and saw an animal and sometimes Enjolras could almost see it too, but then R would say something deeply human, or quote from a film he had seen, or come up with a solution for the crossword, and then- well, it was hard to justify treating him like an animal. Even worse, R didn't seem to realise that there was anything unusual about him.

A few days into their cohabitation Enjolras tried to explain “We can talk to each other, do you know any other cat who can do that?”

“I don't think any of my brethren have problems letting their humans know what they want”

“And you're big.”

“Don't I know it” R grinned.

“I mean we're the same size.”

R frowned and mumbled “I don't feel big.”

“Maybe that's the problem. Maybe if you started acting like you were big other people would see it as well.”

“You want me to do human things” R rolled his eyes “Sounds boring.”

But Enjolras saw the glint of interest in his eyes.

“You're leaving today” noted R, he was opening a jar of peaches. Jars were the first thing he had figured out, though he still left extracting the contents of the jars to Enjolras. 

Enjolras nodded, heart heavy. It frustrated him no end that after they had made such progress, R would have to go back to being treated like an animal.

“It easy to slip back into my cat thoughts. Human thoughts are much harder, you all worry too much” R set down the jar “I don't want to forget this.”

“I'll tell them about you.”

R laughed, dismissively.

“I will. You deserve to be treated as a person with the same rights as any other person.”

“And the same responsibilities.”

Our responsibilities are the price we pay for freedom. You deserve to be free.”

R blinked at him slowly, fondly realised Enjolras.

“Alright then if you're so convinced of my humanity treat me like a human.”

Enjolras hesitated “Do you mean?” R's tone had been landed with innuendo but his words were a little too vague to clearly telegraph consent.

“What do humans do that cats don't?”

“Use the toilet?”

“Debatable, and no” R stepped closer “You may kiss me. I would give you the honour.”

R stood there, tensed, ready to be pushed away. Enjolras pulled him closer. It was probably too late to come to a conclusion as to if this counted as bestiality. There lips met and Enjolras decided he didn't care that much either way. 

The door swung open. 

“What the ever-loving fuck are you doing to my cat, Enjolras”

**Author's Note:**

> You can probably tell that this was written around the last line.  
> This fic is a bit uneven in that the second half could stand to be longer.  
> Cat!R wears ugly jumpers because I couldnt in good consicence have entirely exposed genitals in my good christian fanfic.  
> Enjolras dosnt see any other animals as people which is actually weirder if you think about it.  
> is R a magic cat or a magic person? who knows


End file.
